Ode to Matt Biegacki

In the midst of reviewing the differences between  an erythrocyte, basophil, eosinophil, neutrophil, monocytes & lymphocytes - that and taking a swig of red wine *PREPARE FOR SIDE BLURB: (which I shouldn't drink because it makes my skin itch, but it's the only booze in the household right now. Yes, I could manage to kick back an ol' Can O'Bud, but call me snooty, I like a bottle better. A better beverage belongs in a bottle. :) Alliteration. Point is, feel free to make a donation to my liquor cabinet anytime. Sweet white wine and tequila are preferred, however vodka is always lovely. Let's be honest here folks, I'll take what I can get.) END OF SIDE BLURB. THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE* - I realized I have promised a friend of mine a "birthday blog" posting dedicated to him. So, realizing I probably only have maybe three readers in total, I figure I should keep any promises I make to any one of those 33.33% viewers. You other two should cash in your requests at will. So, Mr. Biegacki, despite my disagreements with your high-fructose corn syrup-laden paycheck and NASCAR funding, I hope you enjoy the belated ~ and most likely underappreciated ~ "Ode to Matt Biegacki". Otherwise known as, "rant dedicated to Matt that will be read by maybe two other people on this planet besides me. And that's only because I'm writing it."

In repressing my own ideas and remarks about the oil spill ("AMERICA!"), I have been racking my brain for a fictitious plot line in lieu of that touchy-subject -- but ONLY because of someone's race-car-ya-ya "problem".

Here are the four ideas I have come up with:
1) A sadistic plumbing company coordinates all of clientele's toilets, sewage and water lines to all explode simultaneously, thus contaminating the entire region's drinking water, causing panic, mass hysteria and death while at the same time only fueling Big Business by forcing everyone to have to purchase clean water through them because they have the cheapest prices and after all, we've all got to live... Oh, wait.
Nevermind.

2. Pirates take over Congress. Oh, wait.
Nevermind.

3. People's reflections start talking to tehm, revealing their inner secrets and undesirable character traits they didn't even realize they had. I thought of that idea, but then I visited with my mother... So that's nixed as well.

So this is where I stopped and thought to myself, "Think birthday, birthday - something nice..." So:

4. The entire world is made of flowers. Lovely, right? Oh sure, until everyone's allergies begin to go crazy and all the flowers are covered in snot and littered with blue bodies, all of whom forgot to bring their Albuterol that day. Just some random day where the entire world turns to flowers. Yes. That's it!
"Ring around the Rosie,
Pockets Full of Posies,
Ashes, ashes, we all fall down."

Morbid.

Solution: Cover all flowers and foliage with asphalt and concrete. And hell, why don't we just throw in a sprinkle of asbestos and then run it all over with a gas-guzzling, oil-burning race car for the enjoyment of our fried-chicken-gobbling, "America loving", mullet-toting, Vitamin D3-lacking, "John Deere". (Get that? A pun, how fun!) And with what, do you think, John Deere is filling up his beer belly? You've probably already got it, eh? Iced Tea!

Ha! Just kidding. He's drinking high-fructose corn syrup, of course.

Straight.

I'm sorry, I had to do it. You knew I would.

My father used to say, "Hey, take your bottom lip, pull it up over your head, and swallow." I could never manage to pull that trick off, so in the end, I've simply decided to talk.

Are you talking?

random note: Did you know that Elephantiasis is caused by parasites which block a person's lymph nodes, resulting in the buildup of lymphatic fluid in certain areas of the body? Most often unilateral. This is also why you don't see it so much in developed countries. Lack of those kinds of parasites at least. That's only excluding Bubba-Chicken McFingerhead learns to worry about his future spawn and the generations to come after him and not just how much of his property is covered in chemical-laced, money green, living-being free, perfectly level quarter inch tall grass. Not the good stuff. "Nature" as pristine and controlled by man, thus creating an alternate, man-made bubble world in what would be an otherwise natural setting.

If I were to be religious, I would feel that the joke's on us when we turn around and yeah, we saved a bundle in a snap in this "get up and go" fast-paced world, but for what? To ruin any kind of a greater being creation? Some might call it pitiful, some would even call it sorrowful. The sad cycle of it all, is that most people have been forced into it by survival.

What if the web was just the next layer of civilization - a universe invisible, yet existing in an space and time just like you and I. Just like I'm sure there are baby hamsters being born over in Japan right now - in their own "world" they've created for themselves, quite possibly in a neon green plastic tube. It's not a human-only problem, I just feel it's a human-based problem. Simply put, if we "fix" the human component to the equation, and by "fix" I mean build up a relationship, not only communication but correspondence between the human race and our natural setting - our roots at a time where we could be peaceful with one another, share with one what the other doesn't really need in order to live happily. "Living in Poverty" isn't the right word, but it's the first word that comes to mind. (I'm reading "Choke" right now.) Living simply is more what I mean. Giving what we are given but not to excess by either party; all in equal existence with one another. Call it whatever you like, call me a socialist if you like. If I cared I wouldn't be practicing my rights as an American right now.
So until we are all equally able to practice our hypocrisy I will continue to 'shake my head at it all'. 

Damnit, I got political and broke my own new rule. Show me a government  that isn't built upon a single one person's own hypocritical biases simply by using a pyramid scheme until they've gained enough power to control a mass of people and I'll show you panties on a dancing prarie dog. End.

Happy Birthday Mr. Biegacki!

Over and Out.