Do not ever pee everywhere. Ever.

I have 63 days until I go to the beach, not counting today. I am very excited about this, even though I don’t get in the water for reasons which will be discussed shortly.

But first, let’s discuss (or rather I’ll discuss with myself through typing on this weird “blog” thing which is really just thinking to myself on paper – much like a journal – except much more ‘stream of thought’ like you’d do for a shrink…hmm…) how excited I am about going on vacation!
P.S. It’s not even thinking to myself on paper, it’s just on a computer, floating in space somewhere. That’s almost scary enough for me to consider NOT doing this any longer, but just writing crazy long, strange, and most likely exasperating emails to people I know. However, I’m doing it anyway. To save trees, and feel like even if total strangers are reading this, SOMEONE is, and not just deleting it from their inbox.

Boy do I love trees. But hey, I’m a Statesman! (woman!) We are known around St. Louis as “tree huggers,” which I’m not sure exactly how accurate that is – it wasn’t like Webster Groves High School were just a bunch of wandering hippies. I know plenty of people who came from OTHER schools (*cough, cough, LINDBERGH, cough, KIRKWOOD, cough, NERINX, cough* please excuse me while I clear my throat) who I would categorize in the “hippie” category much more than Webster. I am pretty much taking myself out of the equation here, because I am a little earth-recycling-gardening-blah, blah, blah-fanatical. However, (I type “however” a lot) I really did see more popped-collars in my time at DUB-G! than I saw someone actually washing out and recycling their soda bottle.

So how did we get this tree-hugging reputation? My best guess is that Webster Groves simply has a lot of trees in it and we “hugged” them with biodegradable toilet paper on, if not a semi-regular, then at least ONE BIG annual event. Ah, Senior Ladies Night.

For those of you who pretty much suck, let me explain Senior Ladies Night in Webster Groves: Step 1.- The Seniors for the year get out of school earlier than the rest of the students.
Step 2.- The Juniors for that year then proclaim themselves THE SENIORS
Step 3.- For unknown reasons, a traditional celebration began sometime back where the New Seniors deem a certain “secret” night to be Senior Ladies Night, where the New Senior girls dress in camo-black, stuff their cars with t.p. and various other property defacing materials which are confiscated by the cops if they get pulled over. (So someone always has backup materials strategically placed at their house to go a retrieve if this occurs. In my case, it was my parents’ screened-in porch.
Step 4.- The boys fight back, or at least they’re supposed to. Mainly, it was the popped-collar boys who pretty much sucked to begin with who did this. The others, well, they were high school boys, so they were either in a state of drooling on their pillows, drooling while playing some video game, or drooling while doing something I am not even going to elaborate on here – in both cases completely unaware of the shenanigans taking place in their front yards. That is, of course, until their mother screams at them to clean it up the next morning.
**ALSO NOTE*** the New Seniors often advertise a different night as Senior Ladies Night to dupe the school and the cops. This pisses off all administration – which is the point.
And of course, Mrs. G. makes Senior Ladies T-shirts for all the girls to order and wear the following day to school after staying up all night. It’s awesome.

Eggs are also biodegradable and we used those around town quite a bit as well. In doing so, this often ended up in peeling the paint off of cars – therefore leaving rust spots and turning our cars into your typical biodegrading high school vehicles.

Ok, I don’t care what you were just doing or reading, but go to this link right now and watch this, I am not even kidding:
What? Oh.

Alright, if you have followed my previous instructions correctly, you don’t know whether to laugh, kind of cry a little bit, or maybe you’re just totally weirded out, but I don’t care. You know it made your day a little better no matter what.

MOVING ON.

I was in the middle of a very important critique of how/why Webster Groves High School grads may or may not be called “tree huggers” for various reasons.
I’m now pretty much done with that explanation.

Alright, so the beginning point of this all was that I’m excited about vacation! My conversation about this excitement today went somewhat like this:

“I’m going on vacation in 63 days!”
“Aren’t you so excited about that?”
“I’m so excited about going on vacation I could pee everywhere, but that would be gross, so I’m not going to.”
“You would pee everywhere? That’s kind of gross.”
“Yeah, you know, like a dog gets excited and pees.”
“But, you’re a person, not a dog.”
“Right, that’s why I’m not going to do that.”
“Ok...good.”
“By the way, thanks for explaining to me that I’m a person, and not a dog.”

Here is another exciting bit of information for everyone:
Lately, as I have previously stated, I have been listening constantly to www.iheardeadpeople.com. Well, today, I switched it up and switched back to www.allnumberone.com.

This station plays all the number one hits from 1960 up until today.
For weeks, YEARS seemingly, “I Kissed A Girl” by Katy Perry was the current number one hit, which they play every two hours. Today I checked, and many of you will be happy to hear it’s changed. (I was a little sad…) However, you people who are happy that it changed, will probably NOT be happy to hear that the number one song in the nation now is “Disturbia” by Rihanna. SO HA HA!

I just listened to “I’m too sexy” by Right Said Fred. Have any of you actually listened to that song – not just mimicked it in social passing? It’s friggin’ hilarious. I’m proud to say I listened very closely to the lyrics, and it they made me want to laugh and get up out of my chair and dance. Or “catwalk”, or something – anything. It was great. I am so happy it was a number one song once!
It made me almost as happy as seeing Beyonce at Burger King.

One last note: Mariah Carey had WAAAAAY too many number one hits, and it my personal opinion, I don’t think any slow song should have ever made number one on the charts. Not perky, not fun, sometimes grotesquely sappy, and they just really don’t make me happy to listen to. That is why, I listen to dead people instead.

Kiss a girl today, and like it.

Over and out.